RQ: Building Relationship Intelligence: Part Four: “Community Leadership”
It’s
important to understand the larger culture around you because it’s
impossible to escape its effect on you. Understanding cultural
influences allows you to:
1) be selective about which elements of the culture you want to include in your life
2) proactively contribute to the culture and help to move it in a positive direction.
Two
main streams of thought on sexuality throughout history. One, expressed
in all the major world religions views sexuality as a gift from the
Creator, to be used within certain guidelines. The major faiths agree
that sex should be enjoyed within the context of marriage. Those who
followed the teachings of their faith were provided with nearly perfect
protection against disease and nonmarital pregnancy. Use “World
Religions and Sexuality,” and “Religious Involvement Helps Marriages”
Slides.
The other stream of thought challenged the widespread
agreement among world religions about reserving sex for marriage and
criticized them for denying people free access to information about sex
and about birth control. Influential thinkers such as Margaret Mead,
Sigmund Freud, and Alfred Kinsey had enormous impact on social
attitudes about sexuality even though most of their research has been
discredited. Use “Scientific Claims re: Human Sexuality (Kinsey
Report-1948),” “Kinsey ‘Female Report’ - 1953,” “Fraudulent Science
fosters a Sexual Revolution”
The developed countries in Europe and in the United States
face a birth dirth, not overpopulation. to replace itself, a population
needs each woman to have 2.1 children over her lifetime to replace her
and her mate, excluding immigration. Dropping of birth rate is leading
to a situation where, for the first time in history, people over 60
will outnumber kids 14 or younger in industrial countries. This will
cause severe economic problems in industrialized countries.
Economic and Technological Changes have had a big impact on
the family. Until the 19th and 20th centuries, most people worked on
farms. The father, mother, and children usually spent a lot of time
together working for their economic survival. But with
industrialization, urbanization and mass production, fathers often had
to leave home to go work in a factory. Now, increasingly mothers leave
the home to work as well.
Widespread distribution of radio programs, popular music,
movies and television transformed the culture profoundly. Prior to
these mass media, most culture was local. Invention of birth control
offered the promise of sexual freedom without the consequence of
pregnancy. But when birth control failed and a woman became pregnant,
few men were willing to make a commitment the woman previously said
wasn’t necessary. Use “Before and After” slide
Entrepreneurs such as Hugh Hefner used new developments in
color printing technology to greatly expand the marketing of
pornography which promoted that view that sex was a commodity to be
bought and sold and that “swinging singles” were less repressed and
more sexually fulfilled than married people. We have already learned
that this is a myth. Married people enjoy sex at much higher rates
emotionally and physically than people who are not married. Use “Most
Comprehensive U.S. sex survey” slide.
While men’s pornography
consists primarily of pictures of naked women, most women’s
“pornography” consists not of pictures of naked men, but of romantic
fantasies about steamy, sensual uncommitted sex.
Example of media bias: a study by the National Fatherhood
Initiative of TV programs found that very few showed fathers who are
dedicated, involved and competent.
Legacy of the Sexual Revolution- Sexual freedom has not
brought more happiness. It has led to what the psychiatrist Viktor
Frankl calls “neurotic sex” where people just use each other
compulsively for self-centered ends. People can get more sex partners,
but find sexual union less fulfilling.
Conclusion- 20th Century beliefs promoting “free sex” were
based on poor science, unquestioned assumptions, and a misunderstanding
of the human need for love. Basing your life and actions on such
unfounded beliefs can do a lot of damage to your own life, and the
lives of others.
Activities
Discuss answers to Questions for Reflection including student analysis of popular music and TV shows.
Some
people have a scarcity mentality. They think “there’s only one pie, so
if you get a bigger piece, then I get less.” Others have an abundance
mentality, the idea that there are an infinite number of possible
solutions and combinations which could benefit everyone. The former
think “win/lose.” The latter think “win/win.” This is sometimes called
synergy and based on the idea that 1 + 1 = 3.
Synergy and Bullies
It’s an unfortunate fact of life that we are sometimes faced with
people who are looking for a fight. Given this situation we may think
we have to choose between “fight” or “flight”, win or lose. But there
are other alternatives we can try to avoid the “win/lose” cycle. The
greatest victory is to win over your opponent instead of defeating him.
Ways you can try to deal with bullies in the short run:
Make friends (treat as a friend instead of as an enemy as Nelson Mandela did-see chapter 4),
Use Humor,
Walk away,
Use cleverness,
Agree with bully (let insults go-without fighting back),
Refuse to fight (the winner of a fight is the one who avoids it),
Stand up to a bully (verbally, not physically),
Scream/Yell (A powerful shout can end conflict before it starts),
Ignore the threat,
Use Authority (Call a proper authority to help you avoid conflict),
Reason with the bully (Use the most powerful tool you have-your brain),
Establishing
a successful life and family is not enough. If the community and
society is falling apart around you, your own life and the well-being
of your family would also be endangered. Your own conscience, or even
self-interest, would lead you to try to make your community a better
place to live.
Lasting love and happiness are often impossible to arrive at
directly. They’re often byproducts of being involved in something
larger that just two people.
We live in an age when people are encouraged to talk about
their feelings, but while feelings are important, nothing can replace
actions. Good intentions with followup are empty and ultimately
demoralizing. As Dr. Martin Luther King said, we may not all become
famous and wealthy, but all of us can find greatness because we all can
serve.
Activities
Discuss answers to Questions for Reflection and encourage students to carry out a community service project they choose.
